Only facts and information.
There will be no flowery language, no metaphor, nothing to wrap the sweet tentacles of your creative mind around. You will not be entertained. We will not walk together along a deep, winding narrative path. We will not emerge into calming resolution following the slow, tantalizing build of dramatic tension. We will not journey that road together today.
No, this journey will be factual only. Facts presented on sign-posts to guide your travels. And don’t get all philosophical about these signs. They are not metaphorical. They are not meant to guide the development of your New Year’s intentions or to lead you through your next existential experience. They simply are. You simply are. We simply are. Here they are. Our signs are. This.
Did those facts speak to your inner dreams? Did Pizza’zza just delve into the dark trenches of your deepest longings and usher forth a new reality that actualizes your ideal pizza purchasing ambitions?
Wait. “Just the facts, ma’am.”
Yes, you read those signs and stars correctly. Starting January 1, we will take payments at our counter. The Pizza’zza counter. The counter over which you pick up your pizza. Yes, that counter.
Through the magic that is the internet and Square, we will accept all major credit cards, debit cards and cash. No checks. We mean it; no checks. Yes, even from a good, upstanding citizen like you.
No more paying at Yorky’s, except for cold case items. If change is hard for you, let’s have a little sit-down, and we’ll develop a 10-point change plan for you. However, if you’re a member of the “get it fast and easy” generation, we’ll speedily and conveniently liberate you from your money in exchange for a hot, delicious pie at our own counter from 2016 onward (and upward).
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